I play on a softball team in my hometown, a small college town in Northern California that, unsurprisingly, tends to lean left. However, there’s one guy on our team who bucks that trend. He’s an older guy (we’ll call him “Billy”), and still playing even though he’s pushing 80! Billy is a retired small business owner, a longtime Republican, and a Trump voter. He’s a living, breathing example of why we shouldn’t discount those with whom we disagree. He’s not the sort of person I expected to gravitate to given our divergent political opinions and 40-year age gap, but I’ve developed a surprisingly close friendship with him over the last several years, to the point that I now affectionately call him “Uncle” Billy. He is intelligent, reasonable, naturally curious, good-humored, and very much an independent thinker. Politics aside, I couldn’t ask for a better friend.
That said, when the topic of Trump comes up, we find ourselves worlds apart. He believes that Trump genuinely cares about the little guy and is actually out there fighting for him. I disagree and think that Trump is taking advantage of millions of well-meaning Americans like my dear Uncle Billy. In my view, Trump may be giving voice to certain long-held grievances, but he is manipulating the discontent of his supporters for entirely self-serving purposes and utterly failing to deliver for them. You probably aren’t surprised to hear that I have yet to convince Billy of this viewpoint.
Nonetheless, I believe that I have benefited tremendously from my conversations with Billy for two primary reasons. First, it has forced me to hone my anti-Trump talking points to find which are effective and which are not. Second, and perhaps more importantly, by staying in dialogue with someone with whom I vehemently disagree on the most crucial issue of the day, it has humanized the millions of ordinary Americans who happen to support Trump—my fellow citizens whom I might have otherwise been tempted to write off.
Whatever the merits of those grievances, I believe that those of us who seriously wish to see Trump defeated have a special obligation to hear those grievances and take them seriously, even if we don’t agree with them. It can be difficult to maintain patience and tact when listening to someone explain their support for a man that so many of us see as manifestly and obviously unfit for high office, but I believe that we must maintain a sense of empathy for those who express such views, as it is generally difficult to persuade others of the righteousness of your cause if you are simultaneously looking down your nose at them.
If we want to persuade others, we must first seek to understand where they are coming from.
Furthermore, we must also bear in mind that there will come a day after. There will come a time after Trump (believe it or not), a time when we have to rebuild this country and restore its body politic. If we allow ourselves, in a fit of righteous indignation, to burn all bridges with the millions of Trump supporters in this country, we may wake up one day to find that it is well-nigh impossible to restore the unity of ages past. That is an outcome that none of us should wish for.
So, while I may never convince my Uncle Billy to turn on Trump, I’ll keep talking with him. Not because I necessarily expect to change his mind (although I can hope), but because I think it does us both good. More importantly, I’ll keep working on him because he’s my fellow American, and Americans don’t give up on each other when the going gets tough.
If you’re trying to navigate difficult political conversations with friends and family, try using these toolkits from The Union on starting conversations and effective and inclusive talking points.
Post submitted by John Reid, a volunteer with The Union communications team
Note: The views and opinions expressed by volunteer contributors are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the positions of The Union, a single-issue organization that welcomes all and is dedicated to protecting democracy.
If you’d like to help defend democracy in the US, we invite you to join The Union.